To stick in one’s craw: to be difficult to swallow; to cause lasting annoyance, irritation or hard feelings.
It was early days, relatively speaking, in the drama of the flood of my home. We had just bought, and successfully managed to hook up, a 7 horsepower gas pump which, along with three electric sump pumps, might help keep the water in the basement at a safe level–i.e. below the power panel. Neighbours, and friends, and family, and gawkers alike were gathering on the street to watch the threatening rise of the water. After all, at these levels, it was indeed, a novelty to us all. And we all became gawkers! And many of us became very frightened.
A man of my acquaintance approached and asked if he could give me his opinion. I told him that yes, I was worried and would be happy to hear anything that might help the situation. Little did I know that what he planned to say would be so unwelcome.
His advice was to abandon ship and give up the battle. I should switch off my circuit breaker, stop pumping out water and let my basement fill up. He said it was useless and even foolish to believe that there was hope that the pumping would make a difference. He also implied that I was selfish to continue pumping when I should, instead, help the neighbour who was still managing to keep the water out of her house. That was where I should really put my remaining energy–into helping my neighbour and her army of helpers keep water out of her house. She had so much more to lose.
Was I too fragile for such wise advice? Was I too sensitive and self-absorbed to receive the truth? Maybe.
Well, thankfully, I rejected his advice. I didn’t give in and I didn’t give up. Instead, I continued to fight. And the three feet of water in my home is now gone.
Now I plan to selfishly get on with the clean-up of my home. And no, I will not be helping my neighbour clean up her sandbags.
So, now you know. That is what sticks in my craw. That is what I cannot forget. That is what keeps me, in part, from really moving on. But, of course, I will. And soon.
Yes, I will forgive. But, sadly, it is unlikely that I will easily forget. But I will try.